7 Signs That You Are Obsessed With Someone

Are you obsessing over the ex? It’s got to be one of the worst forms of self-torture out there. There is a fine line between reflection and obsession. What’s the difference??

  • Reflection feels like a peaceful epiphany, a calm knowing, a connecting of the dots.
  • Obsession feels like a tornado. It feels like a black hole of despair sucking you in and spinning you around and around and around with no end in sight.

The good news is, once you realize you will become aware of the power of your free will to stop it for good.

Obsessing About Ex

Here are 7 signs you are obsessing…

  1. Do you spend entire days or large portions of your days paralyzed by racing thoughts about what your ex is up to or things that happened in the past?
  2. Do you forget, neglect, or avoid your own life because the obsessive thoughts are so loud?
  3. Are you glued to the couch, your bed, or the floor spinning about your ex? Paralyzed with fear, worry, anxiety, feeling like the only way out of the craziness is for things to be magically fixed.
  4. Has it taken over your mind where you can’t focus on anything else? Time flies by. Before you know it you just lost your whole day to obsession. Even if you’ve been on the couch all day, you feel anything but relaxed.
  5. Do hours fly by because you’ve been analyzing what went wrong and you could have fixed it or how you might be able to fix it? Manic seemingly genius ideas come to mind. It’s important to recognize that your perception is not clear in these moments and it’s best to hold off on taking any action until you have centered yourself.
  6. Are you neglecting basic self-care or hygiene? Your thoughts become so stormy it’s difficult to follow through with easy daily tasks. So your place gets messy too. If you’re lucky you’re the type of person that frantically cleans and organizes to help alleviate the obsession, which is a great way to channel that energy if you can muster it.
  7. Have you been experiencing mental, physical, and emotional stress or exhaustion? Being chronically anxious about your ex is a sure sign of obsession. The anxiety is stemming from your thoughts. To counter, it’s important to do the work and start generating new, healthy thoughts

Are you stuck in ”What If” thoughts and Self Doubt

“What if” thoughts may look like this…

  • Maybe everything would have been okay if you just hadn’t said or done that one thing. If only you could turn back the clock.
  • If you had known this about you then they would have valued you as they should have
  • If you had just explained this one thing then things would have worked out
  • Replaying the good times and fixating on where things went wrong and why
  • Fixating on your faults or flaws and how they contributed to the break-up
  • Incessant “why couldn’t this have worked out?” or “what if?” questions running through your mind

These thoughts lead unproductive fears…

  • The fear of being alone forever
  • Holding onto getting back with your ex
  • The fear of never loving someone as much again
  • The fear that someone else may never love you the same way again
  • Deciding that you will be miserable forever because ­of this
  • Deciding you will never get over this person
  • The idea that we only have one soul mate, this isn’t true.

Our exes are only a projection of what you wanted them to be or what they were for you for a period of time.

My top technique to avoid obsession altogether

One of the most amazing techniques I have found to altogether avoid obsession if following Mark Manson’s concept of The Law of Fuck Yes and Fuck No.

This system is derived from a law successfully used in business, which also applies to relationships, sex, and friendships. The main message of the law and the article is if someone isn’t excited and completely communicating a, “Fuck yes” then ultimately it’s a “Fuck no”.

There are no grey zones.

The idea that we can manipulate someone out of a grey area can definitely lead us into obsession. So to make our life easier reserve your time and energy for those who say fuck yes to you and you say it right back. It has to go both ways. It’s a powerful act of self-love and self-respect as well as a way of being respectful to others.

If you find yourself in the throes of obsession and need support, I’m your coach.

Sign up for your free consultation session. My long history as an online dating coach can help you learn the signs that you are obsessed with someone and how to stop.